Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.
Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines. Funny Quotes About Life
If you teach your children nothing else, teach them the Golden Rule and “righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.”
When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.
A great name for a new country song: If I’d Shot You Sooner, I’d Be Out of Jail by Now.
A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. Funny Sayings
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
A signature always reveals a man’s character – and sometimes even his name.
If you cannot answer a man’s argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.
Maybe this world is another planet’s hell. Hilarious Quotes
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
You can’t have everything… where would you put it?
Funny Sayings-Funny Quotes About Life-Hilarious Quotes
All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.
Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years. Humorous Quotes
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.
Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
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